I never ask girls how many guys they’ve been with. I rather not know so my virgin princess image of her is not disturbed, but unfortunately it’s not that hard to put together an estimate based on what I already know about her. For example: Did she have a long-term relationship longer than 2 years? –10 notches. Is she an engineer or computer programmer? –5 notches. Does she own a Coach bag? +5 notches. Does she have a tattoo? +5 notches for each one

Does she know what she’s doing in bed? +6 notches. Is she a teacher or feminist? +7 notches. Does she drink more than three nights a week? +8 notches. Was she in a sorority? +8 notches. Does she flirt well and know how to play the game? +15 notches. Has she been in a threesome? +20 notches. Did she take one year off to travel through Europe? +25 notches. Has she ever been a stripper, or at least considered it? +50 notches. Did you have sex with her within one hour of meeting her? +100 notches

The Daily Mail has an article about female notch count, including a picture of five British girls and their respective counts. Check out the cutest girl on the right, who I think most men would give at least a 7. Her appearance is not atypical of the girls me and my friends have dated. Of course she has to have the most notches, at 180. If a girl I’ve been with told me I was number 181, I’d take a deep breath and consider the facts.

It is at this moment that my mental strength and logical thinking would be tested against cultural programming. Even though four football teams of men have had their way with her and I comprise a pathetic 0.55% of all the men she has been with, I would continue the relationship if she was fulfilling my needs. But since she is probably bored of vanilla sex with all that experience, one different thing I’d do is introduce some Rocco-inspired bedroom technique to fulfill my darkest, nastiest desire